PayPal's Dead? Please. The Future of Payments is Just More of the Same Bullshit
Alright, let's get one thing straight right off the bat: anyone who thinks PayPal is dead is probably also still using Internet Explorer.
The "Revolution" Will Be Monetized
So, I’m reading about these "revolutionary" AI and blockchain payment systems, right? Bankr, Olas Pearl, TON… all promising to be the "next PayPal." Give me a break. It's the same old song and dance: tech bros hyping up vaporware to get more VC funding.
This article breathlessly quotes some exec at Bankr saying it's the "PayPal moment for crypto." No. PayPal's "moment" was making online payments not require mailing a check. This? This is just adding extra layers of complexity that nobody asked for.
They’re saying Bankr turns your social handle into a wallet login. Cool? I guess? I'd rather not have my drunken tweets linked to my bank account, thanks. And the idea that I'm going to trust an AI agent to "analyze the market and teach people how to trade"? That sounds like a one-way ticket to getting rekt.
And Olas Pearl? An "AI agent marketplace"? Seriously? So now, instead of dealing with human scammers, I get to deal with AI scammers? Progress! It's like Salesforce is predicting we'll all have digital butlers by 2030. Maybe I just want to be left alone.
Blockchain: Solving Problems That Don't Exist
Oh, and of course, blockchain. Everything's gotta be on the blockchain these days. As if slapping "blockchain" on something magically makes it secure and trustworthy. Newsflash: it doesn't. It just makes it slower and more expensive.
This whole TON wallet thing inside Telegram… okay, I see the appeal. It's like Venmo for Gen Z, but with even more opportunities for rug pulls. They're selling digital stickers now? Remember Beanie Babies? Yeah, feels about the same. I saw someone quoted saying that sending a sticker is like "sharing ownership and culture". Jesus wept.
And let's be real, who actually understands what is blockchain? I mean, really understands it? It's like everyone's nodding along, pretending they know what's going on, while secretly Googling "what is the blockchain" every five minutes. I ain’t even gonna try to pretend.
Tempo, some Stripe-backed blockchain project, just led a $25 million raise for some other crypto company, Commonware. According to Stripe-backed blockchain startup Tempo leads $25 million raise for crypto infrastructure firm Commonware, they're gonna "develop methods to process blockchain payments more quickly." So, they admit it's slow now? That's... reassuring, I guess.
PayPal: Still Here, Still Annoying
But here's the thing: PayPal is still here. They're experimenting with stablecoins and AI and all that jazz. They’re not just gonna roll over and die. They're a giant, bureaucratic behemoth, sure, but they're a giant, bureaucratic behemoth with billions of dollars and a massive user base.
They even launched their own stablecoin, PYUSD. Which... okay, fine. Maybe they're not completely clueless. But it still feels like they're just throwing stuff at the wall to see what sticks.
Then again, maybe I'm just being a grumpy old man yelling at clouds. Maybe these new payment systems really are the future. Maybe AI and blockchain really will revolutionize the way we move money around.
But honestly? I doubt it.
So, What's the Real Story?
It's all hype. A bunch of tech companies trying to reinvent the wheel and get rich doing it. The underlying tech might change, but the fundamental principle remains the same: extract as much value as possible from users while providing as little value in return as possible.
