Okay, so Spotify’s Q3 numbers are out, and everyone's creaming their jeans about a "massive profit surge." Give me a break. €899 million profit? Sure, that sounds great on paper. But let's dig a little deeper, shall we?
The Numbers Game
They beat expectations, blah blah blah. Revenue up 7.1%, MAUs at 713 million. I'm supposed to be impressed? This is Spotify, people. They're practically a monopoly in the streaming game. What else are you gonna use, Tidal? Please.
And those margins everyone's patting them on the back for? Rebounding to 31.6%. Oh wow, they managed to not completely screw things up for one quarter. Color me shocked. They’re bragging about cost control. What did they do, fire half the engineering team and replace them with interns? Wouldn't surprise me.
Here's the real kicker: "Strategic shifts" and "AI-powered recommendations." Translation: they're jacking up prices and using algorithms to shove whatever garbage record label pays them the most to promote down our throats. It's not about the music anymore; it's about the money, offcourse.
But hey, the stock's up 70% over the past year! So everything's fine, right?
The Real Headline: The Rats Are Leaving the Ship
Let's not forget the real story here: Daniel Ek's stepping down. "Transitioning to executive chairman," they call it. Right. More like "jumping ship before it hits the iceberg." Gustav Söderström and Alex Norström are taking over as co-CEOs. Two heads are better than one? Or is it just twice the mess?
Wall Street's calling it a "step toward stability." I call it a recipe for disaster. Co-CEOs? That's like having two captains on the same ship, both trying to steer it in different directions.
Ek says the company's "well-positioned to deliver growth." Oh, really? Then why are you bailing, Danny boy? Somethings fishy, and it ain't the salmon I had for lunch.
And this Netflix partnership? Streaming video podcasts? Who asked for this? Seriously, who is sitting at home thinking, "Man, I wish I could watch Bill Simmons ramble on about basketball on Spotify." It's a desperate attempt to diversify revenue streams because they know the music bubble is about to burst.
The Faint Silver Lining?
Okay, I'll admit, the stock's performance is hard to ignore. Up almost 800% over three years? Maybe I'm just being a grumpy old cynic here. Maybe they actually are doing something right.
Then again, maybe the market's just as delusional as they are.
So, What's Actually Going On Here?
This whole "great quarter" narrative is a carefully constructed illusion to distract from the fact that the leadership is crumbling. The numbers might look good now, but I'm betting that co-CEO experiment is going to blow up in their faces faster than a TikTok trend. Mark my words, Spotify's best days are behind it.
